📺
Series
Two and a Half Men
📅 2003
⭐ 7.4
US
US
A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
Seasons & Episodes
E1
Pilot
2003-09-22
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E2
Big Flappy Bastards
2003-09-29
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E3
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
2003-10-06
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E4
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
2003-10-13
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E5
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
2003-10-20
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E6
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
2003-10-27
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E7
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
2003-11-03
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E8
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
2003-11-10
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E9
Phase One, Complete
2003-11-17
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E10
Merry Thanksgiving
2003-11-24
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E11
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
2003-12-15
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E12
Camel Filters and Pheromones
2004-01-05
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E13
Sarah Like Puny Alan
2004-01-12
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E14
I Can't Afford Hyenas
2004-02-02
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E15
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
2004-02-09
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E16
That Was Saliva, Alan
2004-02-16
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E17
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
2004-02-23
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E18
An Old Flame with a New Wick
2004-03-01
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E19
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
2004-03-22
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E20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
2004-04-19
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E21
No Sniffing, No Wowing
2004-05-03
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E22
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
2004-05-10
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E23
Just Like Buffalo
2004-05-17
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E24
Can You Feel My Finger?
2004-05-24
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E1
Back Off, Mary Poppins
2004-09-20
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E2
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
2004-09-27
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E3
A Bag Full of Jawea
2004-10-04
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E4
Go Get Mommy's Bra
2004-10-11
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E5
Bad News from the Clinic?
2004-10-18
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E6
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
2004-10-25
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E7
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
2004-11-08
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E8
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
2004-11-15
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E9
Yes, Monsignor
2004-11-22
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E10
The Salmon Under My Sweater
2004-11-29
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E11
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
2004-12-13
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E12
A Lungful of Alan
2005-01-03
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E13
Zejdz z Zmoich Wlosów (Get Off My Hair)
2005-01-17
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E14
Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
2005-01-31
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E15
Smell the Umbrella Stand
2005-02-07
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E16
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
2005-02-14
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E17
Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
2005-02-21
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E18
It Was 'Mame', Mom
2005-03-07
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E19
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
2005-03-21
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E20
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
2005-04-18
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E21
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
2005-05-02
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E22
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
2005-05-09
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E23
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
2005-05-16
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E24
Does This Smell Funny to You?
2005-05-23
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E1
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
2005-09-19
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E2
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
2005-09-26
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E3
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
2005-10-03
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E4
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
2005-10-10
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E5
We Called It Mr. Pinky
2005-10-17
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E6
Hi, Mr. Horned One
2005-10-24
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E7
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
2005-11-07
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E8
That Voodoo That I Do Do
2005-11-14
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E9
Madame and Her Special Friend
2005-11-21
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E10
Something Salted and Twisted
2005-11-28
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E11
Santa's Village of the Damned
2005-12-19
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E12
That Special Tug
2006-01-09
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E13
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
2006-01-23
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E14
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
2006-02-06
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E15
My Tongue Is Meat
2006-02-27
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E16
Ergo, the Booty Call
2006-03-06
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E17
The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
2006-03-13
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E18
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
2006-03-20
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E19
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
2006-04-10
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E20
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
2006-04-24
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E21
And the Plot Moistens
2006-05-01
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E22
Just Once with Aunt Sophie
2006-05-08
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E23
Arguments for the Quickie
2006-05-15
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E24
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
2006-05-22
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E1
Working for Caligula
2006-09-18
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E2
Who Is This Vod Kanockers?
2006-09-25
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E3
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
2006-10-02
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E4
A Pot-Smokin' Monkey
2006-10-09
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E5
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
2006-10-16
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E6
Apologies for the Frivolity
2006-10-23
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E7
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
2006-11-06
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E8
Release the Dogs
2006-11-13
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E9
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
2006-11-20
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E10
Kissing Abe Lincoln
2006-11-27
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E11
Walnuts and Demerol
2006-12-11
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E12
Castrating Sheep in Montana
2007-01-08
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E13
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
2007-01-22
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E14
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
2007-02-05
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E15
My Damn Stalker
2007-02-12
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E16
Young People Have Phlegm Too
2007-02-19
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E17
I Merely Slept with a Commie
2007-02-26
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E18
It Never Rains in Hooterville
2007-03-19
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E19
Smooth as a Ken Doll
2007-04-09
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E20
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
2007-04-16
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E21
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
2007-04-23
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E22
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
2007-04-30
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E23
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
2007-05-07
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E24
Prostitutes and Gelato
2007-05-14
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E1
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
2007-09-24
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E2
Media Room Slash Dungeon
2007-10-01
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E3
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
2007-10-08
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E4
City of Great Racks
2007-10-15
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E5
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
2007-10-22
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E6
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
2007-10-29
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E7
The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
2007-11-05
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E8
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
2007-11-12
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E9
Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
2007-11-19
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E10
Kinda Like Necrophilia
2007-11-26
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E11
Meander to Your Dander
2008-03-17
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E12
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
2008-03-24
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E13
The Soil Is Moist
2008-03-31
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E14
Winky-Dink Time
2008-04-14
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E15
Rough Night in Hump Junction
2008-04-21
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E16
Look At Me Mommy, I'm Pretty
2008-04-28
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E17
Fish in a Drawer
2008-05-05
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E18
If My Hole Could Talk
2008-05-12
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E19
Waiting for the Right Snapper
2008-05-19
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E1
Taterhead Is Our Love Child
2008-09-22
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E2
Pie Hole, Herb
2008-09-29
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E3
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
2008-10-06
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E4
The Flavin' and the Mavin'
2008-10-13
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E5
A Jock Strap in Hell
2008-10-20
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E6
It's Always Nazi Week
2008-11-03
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E7
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
2008-11-10
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E8
Pinocchio's Mouth
2008-11-17
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E9
The Mooch at the Boo
2008-11-24
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E10
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
2008-12-08
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E11
The Devil's Lube
2008-12-15
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E12
Thank God for Scoliosis
2009-01-12
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E13
I Think You Offended Don
2009-01-19
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E14
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
2009-02-02
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E15
I'd Like to Start with the Cat
2009-02-09
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E16
She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
2009-03-02
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E17
The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
2009-03-09
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E18
My Son's Enormous Head
2009-03-16
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E19
The Two Finger Rule
2009-03-30
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E20
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
2009-04-13
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E21
Above Exalted Cyclops
2009-04-27
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E22
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
2009-05-04
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E23
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
2009-05-11
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E24
Baseball Was Better with Steroids
2009-05-18
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E1
818-JKLPUZO
2009-09-21
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E2
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
2009-09-28
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E3
Mmm, Fish. Yum.
2009-10-05
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E4
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
2009-10-12
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E5
For the Sake of the Child
2009-10-19
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E6
Give Me Your Thumb
2009-11-02
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E7
Untainted by Filth
2009-11-09
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E8
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
2009-11-16
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E9
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
2009-11-23
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E10
That's Why They Call It "Ball Room"
2009-12-07
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E11
Warning, It's Dirty
2009-12-14
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E12
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
2010-01-11
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E13
Yay, No Polyps!
2010-01-18
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E14
Crude and Uncalled For
2010-02-01
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E15
Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
2010-02-08
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E16
Tinkle Like a Princess
2010-03-01
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E17
I Found Your Moustache
2010-03-08
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E18
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
2010-03-22
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E19
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
2010-04-12
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E20
I Called Him Magoo
2010-05-10
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E21
Gumby with a Pokey
2010-05-17
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E22
This Is Not Gonna End Well
2010-05-24
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E1
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
2010-09-20
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E2
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
2010-09-27
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E3
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
2010-10-04
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E4
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
2010-10-11
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E5
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
2010-10-18
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E6
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
2010-10-25
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E7
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
2010-11-01
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E8
Springtime on a Stick
2010-11-08
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E9
A Good Time in Central Africa
2010-11-15
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E10
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
2010-11-22
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E11
Dead from the Waist Down
2010-12-06
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E12
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
2010-12-13
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E13
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
2011-01-03
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E14
Lookin' for Japanese Subs
2011-01-17
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E15
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
2011-02-07
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E16
That Darn Priest
2011-02-14
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E1
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
2011-09-19
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E2
People Who Love Peepholes
2011-09-26
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E3
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
2011-10-03
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E4
Nine Magic Fingers
2011-10-10
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E5
A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
2011-10-17
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E6
The Squat and Hover
2011-10-24
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E7
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
2011-10-31
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E8
Thank You for the Intercourse
2011-11-07
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E9
Frodo's Headshots
2011-11-14
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E10
A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
2011-11-21
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E11
What a Lovely Landing Strip
2011-12-05
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E12
One False Move, Zimbabwe!
2011-12-12
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E13
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
2012-01-02
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E14
A Possum on Chemo
2012-01-16
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E15
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
2012-02-06
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E16
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
2012-02-13
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E17
Not in My Mouth!
2012-02-20
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E18
The War Against Gingivitis
2012-02-27
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E19
Palmdale, Ech
2012-03-19
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E20
Grandma's Pie
2012-04-09
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E21
Mr. Hose Says "Yes"
2012-04-16
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E22
Why We Gave Up Women
2012-04-30
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E23
The Straw in My Donut Hole
2012-05-07
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E24
Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
2012-05-14
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E1
I Changed My Mind About the Milk
2012-09-27
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E2
A Big Bag of Dog
2012-10-04
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E3
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
2012-10-11
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E4
You Do Know What the Lollipop's For
2012-10-18
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E5
That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
2012-10-25
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E6
Ferrets, Attack!
2012-11-01
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E7
Avoid the Chinese Mustard
2012-11-08
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E8
Something My Gynecologist Said
2012-11-15
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E9
I Scream When I Pee
2012-11-29
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E10
One Nut Johnson
2012-12-06
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E11
Give Santa a Tail-Hole
2012-12-13
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E12
Welcome to Alancrest
2013-01-03
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E13
Grab a Feather and Get in Line
2013-01-10
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E14
Run, Steven Staven! Run!
2013-01-31
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E15
Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
2013-02-07
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E16
Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
2013-02-14
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E17
Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
2013-02-21
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E18
The 9:04 from Pemberton
2013-03-07
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E19
Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
2013-03-14
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E20
Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
2013-04-04
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E21
Another Night with Neil Diamond
2013-04-25
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E22
My Bodacious Vidalia
2013-05-02
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E23
Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
2013-05-09
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E1
Nangnangnangnang
2013-09-26
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E2
I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
2013-10-03
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E3
This Unblessed Biscuit
2013-10-10
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E4
Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
2013-10-17
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E5
Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
2013-10-24
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E6
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
2013-11-07
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E7
Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
2013-11-14
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E8
Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
2013-11-21
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E9
Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
2013-12-05
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E10
On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
2013-12-12
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E11
Tazed in the Lady Nuts
2014-01-02
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E12
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
2014-01-09
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E13
Bite Me, Supreme Court
2014-01-30
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E14
Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe
2014-02-06
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E15
Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
2014-02-27
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E16
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
2014-03-06
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E17
Welcome Home, Jake
2014-03-13
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E18
West Side Story
2014-04-03
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E19
Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
2014-04-10
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E20
Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
2014-04-24
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E21
Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
2014-05-01
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E22
Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
2014-05-08
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E1
The Ol' Mexican Spinach
2014-10-30
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E2
A Chic Bar in Ibiza
2014-11-06
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E3
Glamping in a Yurt
2014-11-13
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E4
Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
2014-11-20
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E5
Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
2014-11-27
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E6
Alan Shot a Little Girl
2014-12-04
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E7
Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
2014-12-11
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E8
Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
2014-12-18
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E9
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
2015-01-08
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E10
Here I Come, Pants!
2015-01-15
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E11
For Whom the Booty Calls
2015-01-22
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E12
A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
2015-01-29
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E13
Boompa Loved His Hookers
2015-02-05
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E14
Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
2015-02-12
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E15
Of Course He's Dead (1)
2015-02-19
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E16
Of Course He's Dead (2)
2015-02-19
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Crew
